Erin and I had just figured out we were pregnant and we in total shock with and exuberance of ecstasy. She showed me the pregnancy tests and we went out to dinner to celebrate (Francisco's - we always eat a Francisco's on the corner of Mitchell and Myers).

We had heard the folk wisdom that one should wait 3-4 months as this landmark signifies a reduced risk in the possibility of having a miscarriage. So after dinner, we immediately went and told Erin's Family (Mom, Dad and the girls). The next day we told my family. We told Matt (Matthew Manera). By the end of the week we had told a huge amount of people. It seems that everyone knew and we were only 6 weeks. We told select people in our church family and didn't announce it to the church body until 4 months, but other than that, it made its way around. Side-note: you ever notice that church people like to share secrets in the form of prayer request. If you ever want the church to know about something, ask the prayer team to pray for it.

Telling people is a hard. Not the actual news as much as the order. People think they are more important than they really are. There seems to be some familial hierarchy the people subscribe to even if they have no relationship with a couple. People would literally ask us, "do [so and so] already know?" Not that they were going to tell that person, they just wanted to be first. Very odd, but so it goes. If I were to do it all over again, I would tell only those extremely close to me and wait for everyone to notice the growing belly and ask. This would eliminate the feelings part (because we told no one) and reward those folks who we spend time with. This probably won't happen, but that would be cool

Although many of you have already seen it, Our Announcement to the church and world is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhgVjLbir0s

July 17, 2009: Finding Out!

Finding out that one is pregnant is complicated and never goes as expected. Since Erin and I were not preventing pregnancy, I had assumed something was going to happen. I prepped myself and committed myself to certain actions and emotions. I had promised myself, and secretly my wife, that whenever she told me, in good times or bad, that I would be ecstatic, over-the-top excited. I figure that this woman, any woman, who is pregnant, has had this knowledge in their head all day, excited and nervous. They have to tell their significant other and hope they will be happy because they are secretly very happy but also nervous. They race over all the possible outcomes, emotionally prepared for whatever comes out of their partner's mouth after hearing the news. Women are complex.

For me, the day was Friday, July 17, 2009. I had just come home (1985 Arnold Ave.) from work (Foothill Community Church in Oroville, CA) and was plopping down on our bed. Our bed and bedroom is where we spent most of our time. We didn't have any tv except antenna which meant only about 4 channels so we spent alot of time on the internet. I grabbed my laptop and opened it. The background was set to a picture of a "precious moments" child with big teardrop eyes. The text Erin photoshopped in read, "Will you be my daddy?" At first I didn't get it. Erin, looking at me with great expectation, and I trying to put the puzzle together. Finally it all clicked. With great joy and excitement I exclaimed, "Nuh-uh?" I couldn't believe it was finally happening.

I made Erin tell me the story. Turns out she was as stunned and in disbelief as I was. We had kept some cheap, dollar-store pregnancy test in our house because we have tested before after a view days delayed visit from... well... you know. So Erin used all of them and they all came back positive. I think there were 6. Not trusting the dollar store variety, she went out and bought some expensive ones. They reported the same news. Who knew that pregnancy tests were the great equalizer. Expensive or cheap, they all delivered the same fantastic news We were pregnant! God had brought us a bundle of joy.

I remember lying on the bed holding my wife. Excited but huge rushes of nervousness. I remember thinking that my prayers had been answered. I remember feeling that I was not the man I wanted to be before I had children. I remember feeling completely unprepared for this in that I never even changed one diaper in my entire life. I remember just being in awe at what the future had in store. I remember feeling this gift was fragile and would need protection. I remember not wanting to saying it out loud for fear of jinxing it but wanting to scream it at the top of my lungs so the world would know that I was the most blessed man in existence.

And the problem began... who to tell?

Peace!

The "Up!" and Down of pregnancy!: The Introduction

I have been jonesing to write again and madly in love with my son, Titus, so I thought I would write about him. I almost decided against it because he is already three months but then I thought to myself, he is only three months!

This Blog will be about my journey as a father. As of now, it will not offer advice on parenting, just reporting the Story of Titus.

This entry starts way back. A few weeks before we even knew we were pregnant. You see, Erin (my wife/Titus's mommy) and I weren't necessarily trying to get pregnant but we also weren't preventing it either. We had stopped using birth control and were just going to let whatever happen happen. That was in 2007. For 2 years we "weren't trying but not preventing." We wondered and prayed and worried and assumed. Many times I thought we were just unable to get pregnant. Many times I lamented at the idea that all those people who don't even want children get pregnant all the time, but we can't even get anything. A couple of times I even thought about asking the doctor or making an appointment but I read online somewhere that we would be considered kinda young to worry about it. Either way, the discussion intensified. Would we be able to? Wouldn't it be fun? What is going on? Why isn't it happening?

To make matters worse, we watched the movie "Up!" by Pixar. Erin and I went to Chico to see it in awesome 3D. Anyone who has seen the movie knows that there is an intro to the movie that is just the saddest thing ever. Now imagine, you and your wife are wondering if you will ever be able to have children. If, after two years, if we would become pregnant. If your prayers would be heard. The conversations building with your anxiety, fears, hope and this movies opens with a couple growing up together, getting married, trying and wanting to have children but not being able to. They make a nursery, painting and adjusting. The next scene is them at the doctor's office and she is just crying. The theme music is much slower with emphasis on the minor. The next scene is the wife sitting outside awkwardly all alone with her eyes closed grieving what will never be (and this is supposed to be a kids movie). The husband makes certain promises but doesn't come through. The couple grows old and the wife dies. By the time the wife died, I was in tears. My stomach feeling awful. My face getting red and puffy.

This was our story. "Up!" was released May 29, 2009 and about 6 weeks later we found out that we were pregnant. We were elated. A baby was to be born and getting pregnant was the hard part right? Pregnancy should be smooth sailing, right?

Here is a link to the opening of "Up!": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GroDErHIM_0

The next few post will cover some pregnancy stuff but other than that... we should be caught up!


Peace!